Making Lasting and Significant
Impacts upon those Closest to Us
R. Yaakov Bieler
Parashat VaYigash 5770
The relationship between Yaakov and Yosef was, as are all
important relationships, complicated.
Thinking about a particular aspect of this relationship frames an
important part of our own day-to-day lives, and the interactions with those who
truly matter to us.
Initially we learn that Yaakov felt more powerfully
disposed towards Yosef than his other children:
Beraishit
34:3
And
Yisrael loved Yaakov above all of his children because he was to him a “Ben
Zekunim” (a son of old age), and he made for him a multi-colored coat.
Just as Yitzchak favored
one of his twin sons, Eisav, because of a service and benefit[1]
that this son provided for him:
Ibid.,
25:28
And
Yitzchak loved Eisav because there was hunted meat in his mouth…
the Tora accounts for
Yaakov’s favoritism by explaining that Yosef occupied a particular status
vis-à-vis his father. Commentators suggest that the term “Ben Zekunim”[2]
could connote the simple fact that Yaakov realized that this might be his last
child, triggering a special emotional connection to Yosef, or that since he was
the youngest, Yosef was given the task to waiting on his elderly father while
his older siblings shouldered the other responsibilities engendered by the
family’s possessions and herds. A third interpretation is that Yosef was the
child within whom Yaakov imparted all of the spiritual wisdom that he had
amassed while studying in the legendary Yeshiva of Shem and Ever[3]
as well as throughout his life.
However it would appear that the special feelings that
Yaakov harbored for Yosef were sorely put to the test in both their minds once
Yosef shared his dreams with the other members of his family, particularly following
the second dream:
Ibid.,
34:10
And
he (Yosef) related (the dream) to his father and to his brothers.
And
his father sharply rebuked him, and he said to him, “What is this dream that
you dreamt? Will I and your mother and your brothers come to bow down to you to
the ground?”
Yaakov essentially accuses
Yosef of showing proper respect neither for his parents nor his older siblings.
One can imagine the emotional trauma suffered by Yosef when he was publicly
humiliated by his father, let alone disdained by his brothers, and this could
only have served to make the entire incident a painful and
never-to-be-forgotten experience. Although the following verse suggests that at
least privately and internally, Yaakov “filed away” what had occurred in his
mind, (Ibid. 34:11 “…and his father guarded the matter”) there is no indication
that Yosef recognized that Yaakov had expressed anger only on the surface, but in
fact within had considered that perhaps in time Yosef’s dream will actually
come to pass.
The nadir of the
relationship between Yaakov and Yosef would seem to be reached when the father
sends his son to “check up” on his brothers[4] when they were shepherding
the family sheep in Shechem (Ibid., 37:14). Whether or not Yaakov was aware of
the resentment of the other sons towards Yosef,[5] it is hard to imagine that Yosef
himself was oblivious of their sentiments, and therefore we could readily
understand his reluctance to carry out his father’s bidding. Yet he dutifully
tries to meet his father’s request, only to first almost be killed and then
ultimately sold into slavery by his siblings.[6] It is highly likely that at
least in part, Yosef blamed his father for “setting him up” to suffer such a
fate at the hands of the other family members. Just as some of the brothers
sarcastically articulate their resentment regarding Yosef’s special treatment
and dreams of family superiority,
Ibid., 37:20
And now let us kill him and throw him into one of the
pits, and we will say that a viscious animal consumed him. Let’s see what
will be with his dreams
could Yosef not have imagined that his
father might have shared in this conspiracy—perhaps not to have him killed, but
to at least frighten him and “teach him some humility”?
The strong indication that Yosef,
at least for a time, wanted nothing at all to do with his family, was inherent
in the name that he chose for his first son,[7] once he had been made the
vizier to Pharoah in
Ibid., 41:51
And Yosef called the name of his first-born Menashe, because
God “Nashani” (Caused me to forget) all of my toil and my father’s
entire house.
With his promotion to a position of governmental authority, marriage into
Egyptian royalty, new name, new life, Yosef understandably felt that he had
turned a new page in his life and that the former resentments, hatred, threats
and slights, including those meted out by his father, were all behind him
forever.
Yet despite his animosity
towards his past maltreatment at the hands of his family, we see at two significant
points in Yosef’s life that Yaakov had made either consciously or without
realizing it, particular and profound impressions upon his son that ultimately stood
the young man in good stead morally and spiritually.
The first instance has to
do with the powerful temptations experienced by Yosef as a result of the sexual
overtures made towards him by Mrs. Potifera. The Talmud suggests that what
prevented him from finally giving in and sinning was his being suddenly
reminded of his father:
Sota 36b
At that moment, there came the image of his father
(Yaakov), and it appeared to him in the window.[8] [9]
Yosef apparently was struck by a sudden sense that whatever his own
temptations might be, since his father would not approve of his committing
adultery with his master’s wife, he simply will not be able to bring himself to
sin, regardless of the consequences. Although
the continuation of the Aggada suggests that what fueled Yosef’s reticence was his
imagining Yaakov’s expressing concern at that moment about how Yosef would be
remembered for posterity should he transgress,
Ibid.
He (Yaakov) said to him (Yosef): In the future your brothers’ names will be
inscribed on the stones of the “Eiphod” (one of the garments worn by the High
Priest) and (at present) you are among them. Is it your will that your name be
erased from among them and you will be known as one who frequents harlots, as
it is written, (Mishlei 29:3) “And the one who frequents harlots will lose
wealth,”
I believe that it is defensible to to think about the first part of the
Aggada separately from the rest, i.e., there was something about his memories
of his father, independent of considerations of Yosef’s eventual reputation, that
prevented him from giving in to Mrs. Potiphar’s seductions.
Yaakov had apparently done and/or said something during Yosef’s youth that had
not been lost upon his son, and Yosef’s sense of morality and propriety,
particularly with respect to adultery and sexual matters, was permanently
affected in a positive manner.[10] Yet there are no indications
in the Tora text how Yaakov had impressed this lesson upon Yosef, and even whether
the same standards had been internalized by his siblings—does Yehuda’s behavior
with Tamar (see Beraishit 38) suggest a lower standard of Tzniyut and morality
in Canaan than that maintained by Yosef in
Perhaps the second incident of Yosef’s
remembrances of Yaakov even after a lengthy separation can be more helpful when
we try to determine the strategy undertaken by Yaakov to deeply influence
Yosef, and which could then be reproducible by those who come after him,
including ourselves. Yaakov had been unaware of Yosef even being alive for
approximately two decades. He entered into a state of perpetual mourning from
the moment that he was shown Yosef’s blood-stained coat and told that his son
had been fatally attacked by a wild animal.[11] But once Yosef reveals his
true identity to his siblings following their second expedition to
Beraishit 45:27
And they (the brothers) spoke to him (Yaakov) all of the
words of Yosef that he had spoken to them, and he (Yaakov) saw the wagons
that Yosef had sent to carry him and there came to life the spirit of their
father Yaakov.
RaShI
“All of the words of Yosef”—a sign he had given to them
regarding what they had been discussing at the time when he (Yosef) had parted
from him (Yaakov), the topic of “Egla Arufa” (the calf whose neck is broken).
That is why the verse states “he saw the wagons that Yosef had sent” and not
“that Pharoah had sent” (although in actuality it was Pharoah who had ordered
Yosef to provide his family with wagons).
Commentators who are more rooted in a literal rendering of the text suggest
that it was clear that these uniquely designed wagons loaded down with an
abundance of food could only have been sent by the Egyptian ruler, and with
that realization, Yaakov was prepared to believe that Yosef was instrumental in
their being sent, and therefore clearly alive. However the Rabbis, by means of
word-play—i.e., “Agala” (wagon) and “Egla” (calf) are clearly not the same
word, although they are spelled identically—assert that Yosef was sending
Yaakov a coded message referring to something in the past. Rabbinic tradition
suggests that not only did Yaakov accompany Yosef on the initial portion of his
journey to find his brothers, but that during this final time together, he
imparted a Dvar Tora concerning the Commandment of “Egla Arufa” (the calf whose
neck is broken.) While imagining Yaakov during the course of the book of
Beraishit pointing to a Mitzva first Revealed at Sinai and eventually recorded
in the Tora in Devarim 21:1-9, could be thought of as an anachronism, there is
a strong tradition in Rabbinic thought that the Avot, beginning with Avraham,[13] were on the type of
spiritual level that enabled them to anticipate the Commandments well before
they were formally Given to Moshe on Sinai. Furthermore, even if the specific details
of this particular Mitzva had as yet not been developed, the underlying
concept, in this case, that an individual should not be allowed to journey by
himself,[14]
thereby exposing him to the attacks of unscrupulous predators, but rather
should be accompanied as much as possible, particularly by his host(s), is
something archly logical, and actually indigenous to diverse cultures in the
Middle East. If we were to view Yaakov’s intention as not only to make
conversation while he and his son were travelling, but also to impart a
specific spiritual message to Yosef, who must certainly have felt somewhat
insecure regarding what will transpire when he finally finds his brothers,
perhaps Yaakov was encouraging him by saying via this Commandment, that he
should never feel alone and abandoned, no matter what happens. Assuming that
Yaakov’s image appears to Yosef just as he was prepared to “leave the Derech”
and sin with his master’s wife, Yaakov’s suggestion comes true in a
psychologically profound manner.[15] What we can derive from such
an interpretive approach to the text in terms of how we might positively
impress those for whom we serve as role models is the possibility that one
conversation, one discussion focused upon a Tora principle, can last someone a
lifetime and provide strength and commitment especially at moments of duress.[16]
A slightly different
approach that places greater emphasis upon the overall relationship between
Yaakov and Yosef rather than on a single final conversation about a specific
Commandment, suggests that due to Yaakov’s consistent example, whenever Yosef
would think of his father, he would think of “Tora”, i.e., the overall lifestyle,
code of ethics and values that had begun with Avraham, and had been
subsequently passed down to each ensuing generation.[17]
Midrash Sechel Tov, Beraishit 37:13
“And Yisrael said to Yosef: Behold your brothers are
shepherding in Shechem. Go and I will send you to them. And he said: Here I am
(ready to carry out your bidding.)”
That he (Yosef) remained with him (Yaakov) in the home (in
contrast with his older brothers who were often out and about) and engaged in
Tora study with him. And at that moment the topic being studied was Egla Arufa…
Midrash Yelamdeinu, Yalkut Talmud
Tora, Beraishit #178, p. 114a, on Beraishit 45:27
“And he saw the wagons”—to teach you that in every place
that he would go, he would engage in Tora, and this is what It means (Ibid.,
46:28) “And Yehuda he sent ahead of him to teach.”[18]
Consequently, Yosef’s image of his father would be one of an individual
constantly engaged in thinking about spiritual matters and how best to serve
God. This in turn led him even in
A third Midrashic interpretation of
what constituted the trigger that convinced Yaakov that the reports of Yosef’s
being alive were true does not depend upon the pun of “Agala-Egla” but rather
understands the association that takes place in the father’s mind as something
that had literally to do with wagons in a different context. Among the gifts that the various princes of
the tribes presented upon the dedication of the Tabernacle, the following is
recorded:
BaMidbar 7:3
And they brought their sacrifices[19] before God, six covered
wagons and twelve heads of cattle, one wagon per two princes, an ox for each
one, and they offered them before the Tabernacle.
The wagons presented by the tribal princes were intended to be the means by
which the planks of the Tabernacle would be transported from place to place as
the encampment followed the lead of the pillar of fire and the column of cloud
from location to location in the desert. The following homiletic approach tying
the Tabernacle’s planks with Yaakov and Yosef is cited by R. Menachem Kasher in
his compendium Tora Shleima on Beraishit 45:27, #91, pp. 1664-5:
Rabbeinu “יפ"ק” (Yeshaya Pick?) comments regarding (the mention in
the Midrash of) Egla Arufa that in fact what is being referred to are the
covered wagons.[20] When
Yosef was departing from Yaakov, his father was in the process of planting
cedar trees. Yosef asked him, “What is the purpose of these?” He said to him,
“In the future, my descendents will make a Tabernacle out of cedars in the
desert and they will transport them in wagons.” That is why he sent wagons as a
symbol—actual covered wagons that carried the planks of the Tabernacle.
Several commentators[21] were troubled by how cedars
could be employed in the manufacture of the Tabernacle when this species of
tree was not indigenous to the area surrounding
Considering the possible ways to
understand the significance of the sign that Yosef sent to Yaakov reminded me
of a passage in the Talmud which appears to contain these same elements, but
ostensibly for a different purpose:
Shabbat 31a
Said Rava: At the time that they bring a person in for
his ultimate judgment, they say to him, “Did you engage in honest business
practices? (Or alternately, did you deal with aspects of faith?) Did you set
regular times for Tora study? Did you try to have a family? Did you look
forward to the redemption? Did you engage in analysis of great ideas? Did you
extrapolate from that which has been said new implications and applications?
And even if you answer affirmatively to all of these, if the overall framework
of your life is one of the fear of God, then you have answered/lived well; but
if not, not.
I had always understood Rava’s point to pertain to an individual
considering whether his was a life well-lived. But in light of the foregoing,
perhaps in addition to devoting oneself to these objectives, it is also
important that you acted on them in such a manner that they were transferred to
at least some of the significant others in your life so that these ideals live
on beyond yourself. Consequently the questions then become not only whether in
the past you modeled your life in this manner, but if in the present
and per force the future, your actions will have impressed and inspired
others in a like manner, as was the case so long ago when Yaakov deeply
affected Yosef’s life.
For
parents, grandparents, teachers, friends and colleagues to think proactively
with respect to how they can model and embody such principles as Tora study,
Tora living, high ethical and moral standards, optimism in the micro- and
macro- future, could be the most important thing that they ever do, not only
for themselves, but for those who look up to them for guidance and direction.
[1] Rabbinic interpretations, e.g., RaShI on Beraishit
28:28, suggest that the phrase refers not so much to the food that Eisav
provided, but rather to the deceptive questions posed by the son in order to
mislead Yitchak into thinking that he was more spiritually sensitive and
morally righteous than he actually was.
[2] See e.g., RaShI Beraishit 37:3.
[4] Although our initial introduction to Yosef includes
the observation that he brought negative reports about their activities to
Yaakov (Beraishit 37:2), suggesting that this was something that Yosef
initiated on his own, perhaps to win favor with his father and/or simply
because he had a particularly judgmental personality, the fact that Yaakov
sends him out to apparently do this very thing again, implies that this was
more about Yaakov’s interest in spying on his sons than Yosef’s.
[5] If he was sensitive to such a dynamic, would
Yaakov have given Yosef a special coat,
or for that matter, treated Leah so coldly that it was inevitable that her
children would feel that they had to defend her honor and therefore
developed special resentment towards
Rachel and her children?
[6] Beraishit 37:20-27.
[7] I always wonder if parents
like e.g., Leah (שמעון, ראובן,)Yosef (מנשה) and Moshe (גרשם), who all incorporated their hurt and frustration within the
names of at least some of their children,
honestly explained to them at some point what their names meant and why they were
chosen. It’s one thing to be upset and
personally hurt by one’s fate and treatment at the hands of others; but should
such emotions be memorialized in one’s children for their entire lifetimes?
Each time you see a
particular child, will painful memories flood back? Will the parent tend to
eventually distance himself from that child for that very reason? Will the presence of the child deepen the
parent’s past resentment, thereby constituting a barrier for him to ever be
able to get over his past hurt?
[8] One does not have to
assume that this was a metaphysical event. Since Yosef was said to resemble
both of his parents, Yaakov and Rachel, when Yosef saw his own reflection in
the window’s glass (is this an anachronism with respect to the type of clear
glass susceptible to giving off reflections to which we are accustomed?) it
reminded him of his father.
[9] The Talmud’s imagery is reminiscent of,
LeHavdil, parallel visitations in recent
films, such as Obi Wan Kanobee appearing to Luke Skywalker regarding the
“Force” in Star Wars, and the spirit of Mustafa encouraging Simba to
take on a leadership role in The Lion King.
[10]
Ironically, the Rabbis think that even though
Yosef was saved by positively remembering his father, they suggest that Yaakov himself never trusted Yosef’s behavior
vis-à-vis strange women in
Beraishit 46:29
And Yosef prepared
his chariot and he went up to meet Yisrael, his father, towards
RaShI
…But Yaakov did
not fall on Yosef’s neck and did not kiss him. And the Rabbis said he
(Yaakov) was reciting the Shema.
Ibid., 48:9
And Yosef said to
his father, “They (Menashe and Ephraim) are my sons that God has Given me
‘BaZeh’ (lit. by way of this).” And he (Yaakov) said, “Take them to me and I
will bless them.”
RaShI
“By this”—He
(Yosef) showed him (Yaakov) the document of engagement and the Ketuba…(implying
that Yaakov was challenging the legitimacy of Yosef’s children due to his
suspicions regarding the status of Yosef’s wife.)
Minor Tractate
Kalla Rabbati 3:15
…We find regarding
our father Yaakov that he did not kiss Yosef his son. And why did he not kiss
him? He thought lest he had sinned with prohibited women due to his attractiveness, as it is
said, (Berashit 46:29) “…and he appeared to him and he fell on his neck and he
cried on his neck exceedingly”—he (Yosef) wanted to kiss him (Yaakov), and he
(Yaakov) did not let him (Yosef), as it is said, “he cried on his neck
exceedingly.” And this is why when he (Yaakov) died, it is written (following
Yaakov’s death), (Ibid., 50:1) “And he (Yosef) cried over him (Yaakov) and he
kissed him”. He said, “For 33 years until his death, I never kissed the mouth
of father. Now that I am about to bury him, should I not kiss him?” And that is
why it is written, (Ibid., 48:8) “And Yisrael saw the sons of Yosef and he
said, ‘Who are these?’ Until this point he did not know who they were? (A rhetorical
comment, since Yaakov had known Ephraim and Menashe for at least ten
years.) But rather he was asking him
whether they were born into a marriage with a Ketuba. And when he showed him
the Ketuba, his mind was settled and he kissed them, but not Yosef.
While it is possible that the same
hypersensitivity to appropriate sexual conduct had made such an impression upon
Yosef that it helped him overcome potential transgression, the same sensibility
served to create a barrier between father and son, because Yaakov could not
imagine having passed on such an attitude to his handsome young son.
[11] Beraishit 37:34-5.
[12] Ibid., 45:3,9.
[13] See e.g., the conclusion of Kiddushin 4:14.
[14] RaShI on 21:7 quotes the Talmudic gloss that the
Elders who disassociate themselves from the murder are not suspected of taking
the individual’s life, but rather that they knowingly did not provide an escort
to the person, indirectly leading to his death.
[15] Karen Wasserstein noted astutely that this same
message is then conveyed by God to Yaakov as the patriarch was on his way to
Beraishit 46:3-4
And He Said: I am God, the God of your father. Do not be afraid of
going down to
I will Go down with you to
[16]
See my forthcoming article
“A New and Potent Curricular Framework for the Jewish Day School” scheduled to
appear in the next issue of Jewish Action.
[17] Beraishit 18:19
Because I
Knew him (Avraham) that he will command his children and his household after
him, and they will observe the Way of HaShem to do righteousness and
justice in order that HaShem will Bring upon Avraham that which He Spoke
concerning him.
[18] RaShI on 46:28
…Another interpretation: To teach before
him and to establish a house of learning that from there would emanate
teaching.
If Yaakov was concerned that a house of Tora study should be
established prior to the family coming to Egypt, this suggests the great priority
that he placed on such activity and that he continued to engage in it not only
while he was still in Canaan but even after emigrating to Egypt. (Although
there is a Rabbinic tradition that he studied in Shem and Ever’s Yeshiva (see
fn. 3) prior to reaching Charan and then marrying and raising a family [see
RaShI on 28:9], taking his protestations to Lavan literally when he said how he
worked tirelessly on his father-in-law’s behalf [31:38-40] may imply that he
studied less during this period.)
Assuming Yaakov’s deep devotion to Tora study is an extension of the
original descriptions of Yaakov in RaShI on 25:22 (already in utero he would
try to burst out in order to enter the Yeshiva) and RaShI on 25:27 “And Yaakov
was a simple man, a dweller in tents”—RaShi: The tent of Shem and the
tent of Ever.
[19] Any donation to the
Tabernacle/Temple, whether it was something that could actually be offered on
the altar, or for the upkeep and maintenance of the facility and its rituals,
was considered a sacrifice in the sense that the individual is giving something
of himself for holy purposes.
[20] An alternate reading
of the texts in question uses the term “Agalot” rather than “Egla Arufa” with
respect to the discussion between Yaakov and Yosef upon Yosef’s setting out to
find his brothers.
[21] E.g., RaShI and Ibn Ezra on Shemot 25:5.
[22] In one of the Piyutim
that is recited each time Selichot are said, an example of someone who both
prayed and had his prayer answered is Yosef:
He Who answered Yosef in prison, He
(hopefully) will Answer us.
Perhaps what gave Yosef his impetus to pray, much as what gave him the
resolve not to sin with Mrs. Potiphar, was the influence of Yaakov, in this
case his father causing him to internalize the belief that no matter how
desparate the circumstance, it can be turned around by God, as long as one
continues to have faith.